Audiologist- Visit #2

The two-is weeks between visits didn't feel as long as the first time, but it still wasn't easy picking up even more indications and trying not to get our hopes up for this next round of tests. Or adding more to the growing tally of questions and worries. Had I played music to loud in the car- her car seat was by a door with a speaker. Could the fluid test have been wrong? Could we still just need tubes? Was it a problem with her brain?

It was more of a relief this time to be going in. The Hubs and I were sure we were going to come out with clear answers we could act on to help Tiny.

I am not ashamed to admit that the day before her appointment we tried to run her ragged, kept her up past her bedtime, and woke her up early the next day and kept her going and going and going until it was time to get in the car for the appointment. Bug came this time, because as it turns out, she was very worried for her little sister and even though she had fun with cousins the last time, she was very upset that we didn't take her.

She told us she wanted to be there for her little sister so she wasn't scared. She is very smart and attentive for her age and she had heard us talking about everything and had started to form her own worries. She also knew Doctor visits could be scary, so for this second visit we let her go with us.

We went prepared this time too. We packed a bag full of toys and treats and a portable DVD player with a small case full of favorite movies, hoping we wouldn't need any of it. I prayed and prayed she would fall asleep and we left extra early so we could drive around, because falling asleep in the car was one of the sure fire ways to get her to take a nap.

We drove around looking at the outside of a few of the houses we had scheduled to see with our realtor later and tried to keep the atmosphere in the car calm and relaxing to help. Fifteen minutes into the ride I had almost given up hope that she was going to fall asleep, but then her eyes drooped and a minute later she was out!

I pulled as close to the front door as we could because the wind had picked up and that was one sure fire way to wake her up. The Hubs managed to get her out and into the building still asleep while I parked the car, checked us in and they let us go straight back to a room to help keep her asleep. I got Bug settled in with a book and a snack while we waited for Dr. W.

We carefully got the electrodes placed on her head, she stirred a little but Dr. W managed to get her all hooked up. He decided while she was asleep he wanted to rerun the fluid and OAE tests. We got all the way through those- still no fluid and no response from her eardums from the OAE, it was just conclusive now. I still tried to hold on to hope while we were finishing getting her hooked up for the ABR. Then she started to stir.

My heart sank, she rarely settled back into sleep after stirring. I hurried and pulled out the DVD player to be ready and got Curious George fired up. He's her very favorite. She looked around at all of us and for a moment looked like she was going to be upset, but then she saw the movie and I sighed with relief as she sat and watched and let Dr. W start running the ABR on her right ear.

A little note about the ABR, it is a test that checks to see if the nerves in the inner ear are connecting properly with the brain. It is one of, if not the, conclusive test about whether or not someone is deaf or partially deaf and at what range you can hear. I only knew enough at this point to know it could tell me if my child was deaf and I was certainly ready to know for sure if she could hear anything.

So back to the test. We needed her to sit still and be quite for at least 30 minutes, probably longer. Now that she was awake I worried if this was going to work and wished we hadn't wasted time running the other tests and lost precious unconscious minutes, but she sat there.

The longer she sat, the more I was sure we were finally going to get some answers. I watched Dr. W's screen as he pressed different buttons. There were lines on the screen that looked a little like heart monitor blips and I watched as he tested things and new lines showed up that he highlighted and dragged up to compare to a line that didn't change and had a word like standard or sample next to it.

The more I watched, the less hopeful I was. I tried not to be, telling myself I had no idea what those blips meant. Bug was surprisingly quite and when she did talk or ask me questions she whispered. Dr. W let her look at some model ears and hearing aids and she snuck out twice to get a candy from the very nice receptionist and a drink.

The test lasted about a little over and hour for her right ear and when tried to do the left, she was done, done, done. She didn't want anyone touching her head or coming close to her ears. Still, we'd gotten one ear done, right?

Dr. W took a breath, "Well, without being able to do both ears I can't really give you a full diagnosis. I don't want to tell you something that could be untrue."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

He kept going, "If she were my child, I would try and schedule a sedated ABR." He told us he thought we could do one in a town 45 minutes from us but if it was him, he'd go to the Primary Children's Hospital that was 4 hours away. We agreed we wanted to go to a place that specialized in Children's medicine and Diagnosis because then we could be sure about what they told us and they could refer us to anyone else we might see.

Dr. W couldn't refer us to their Audiology Department himself, I still don't know why, but he would write a recommendation for our pediatrician Dr. P to review and send on for his referral that day. Dr. W let us know he was there for us for any questions we had while we waited for that appointment and any subsequent hearing needs we might have in the future. He was really nice and despite the fact that we left with no definite answers again I felt he did the best he could under the circumstances.

Had I known what a trial it was going to be actually getting our referral through our Pedatrician's office to Primary Children's I might have just asked if we couldn't try again.

It was hard walking out of that office again with no answers. It was hard watching from day to day and wondering if Tiny could hear anything. It was hard, but I kept telling myself, at least it's another step in the right direction.

This is all a process, and sometimes as a parent I've wanted to take a chainsaw to all the red tape and forms and insurance messes and the medical bureaucracy, and just say "This is crap. You're supposed to be helping me not leaving me with more questions and more weight on my already heavy shoulders!" But, if there is one thing I've come to realize it's this- even having to fight to go forward, it was still forward.